Standard (EADGBE)

Verse 1

 If I was a bird I'd build a big nest out of fiberglass and wigs and asbestos

 I'd weave cigarette butts in the strands of hair and plastic grocery bags with receipts

still there

 'Cause I'm a snake in the grass I'm a hook in the sea

 I'm a bee in your flowers and I am a worm in the trees

Verse 2

If I was a snake I'd find a bird nest I'd eat bird eggs 'til I got sick then I'd eat up

all the rest

I'd make myself throw up so I wouldn't gain weight nobody would see me and say “there

goes that big fat snake”

'Cause I'm a slap in your face I'm a kiss upon your nose

I'm a stab in your back and I am a ring upon your toes

Verse 3

If I was a little boy I'd climb across the walls I play with my machine guns and I blow

up all my dolls

I'd see grandma in heaven grandpa in hell I'd go back to Sunday school if they'd let me

ring the bell

'Cause I'm a spade in your grave I'm a slave in you dreams

I'm a cramp in your gut and I am a drip in your jeans

Verse 4

If I was a man I'd build an ugly home I'd raise a hundred cats and then I'd leave them

all alone

I'd never cut my hair I'd grow a big beard to cover up my scars and soak up all my tears

'Cause I'm a quirk in your brain I'm a clot in your heart

I'm a cry in the night and I am a shot in the dark