Standard (EADGBE)
Verse 1
If I was a bird I'd build a big nest out of fiberglass and wigs and asbestos
I'd weave cigarette butts in the strands of hair and plastic grocery bags with receipts
still there
'Cause I'm a snake in the grass I'm a hook in the sea
I'm a bee in your flowers and I am a worm in the trees
Verse 2
If I was a snake I'd find a bird nest I'd eat bird eggs 'til I got sick then I'd eat up
all the rest
I'd make myself throw up so I wouldn't gain weight nobody would see me and say there
goes that big fat snake
'Cause I'm a slap in your face I'm a kiss upon your nose
I'm a stab in your back and I am a ring upon your toes
Verse 3
If I was a little boy I'd climb across the walls I play with my machine guns and I blow
up all my dolls
I'd see grandma in heaven grandpa in hell I'd go back to Sunday school if they'd let me
ring the bell
'Cause I'm a spade in your grave I'm a slave in you dreams
I'm a cramp in your gut and I am a drip in your jeans
Verse 4
If I was a man I'd build an ugly home I'd raise a hundred cats and then I'd leave them
all alone
I'd never cut my hair I'd grow a big beard to cover up my scars and soak up all my tears
'Cause I'm a quirk in your brain I'm a clot in your heart
I'm a cry in the night and I am a shot in the dark