Standard (EADGBE)
Verse 1
Well it was family night up at the Johnson place
Where they sit around the table and talk about their day
Its said to be a common activity
Among todays tight knit families
Mr. Johnson turned to his eldest son
Curious to find out the work hed done
And he was proud to tell his old man
About his work as a salesman
Son let me give you some fatherly advice
You gotta be careful around that anhydrous
Well youre bound to make more than a brain surgeon
Selling crystal methamphetamines
Chorus
Well its family night everybody get together
Were a family by god birds of a feather
Its family night well make a joyful noise
Mommies and daddies girls and boys
Verse 2
Mr. Johnson turned to his only daughter
She turned to her alleged father
Daughter hows the sixth grade treating you
And tell me when is the baby due
Daddy itll be coming out this fall
I feed him good drugs and alcohol
Little Johnny wont take me for a wife
Cause he wont drop out though Im pro-life
Verse 3
Mr. Johnson turned to his other son
Who wears black clothes and plays with guns
He didnt want to talk to his dad
Till Mr. Johnson lit the last joint he had
Dad all the kids make fun of me
Cause I aint lost my virginity
Son let me tell you after dinner
Take twenty dollars over to the senior center
Verse 4
Daddy where is mommy dearest
Is she not here cause she doesnt love us
No kids your mommas out working hard
Selling lap dances at a frat boy bar