Standard (EADGBE)

Verse 1

I drink whiskey when I'm tired of being sober

I drink Drano when I'm tired of being hungover and getting older

Chorus

All the trouble is inside my head

My best friends are dying but enemies are dead

Verse 2

I got this lovely girl who plants roses in my garden

Her lovely husband he plants landmines in my yard after dark

Verse 3

I spent all night learning how to dance

When I got home next morning my poor puppy dog he peed his pants, three legged stance

Verse 4

I had so much to drink that I threw up in the sink

Now my woman thinks that I need to see a shrink and that really stinks

Verse 5

I hear the best donuts you can get in prison

Are the rubber kind that are big enough for sittin, I aint kiddin

Verse 6

Freedom's foes carry sorrows off to bed

But heroes drown them all until they're dead, that's what I said