Standard (EADGBE)

Do not feed doughnuts to your obese children

You will regret it when they’re in their teens

Maccas might shut them up now that they’re seven

 But they won’t forgive you, when

They’re getting picked last for PE

Don’t you see?

Boombalata motherfucker

Have you noticed that your kids are fat?

What are you going to do about that?

What are you going to do?

So you telling me that your family

Has a history of obesity

 You got a polycystic ovary

It’s just the way that God made me

It’s unlikely, statistically

 To be a physical thing

 But either way it don’t explain why you

 Are in the cue at Burger King

 You can blame it on biology

 You can blame your physiology

 You can point to genealogy

 And your social anthropology

 You can say you are an ectomorph

 That you just can’t get the kilos off

 Well you can be what you wanna be

 But stop feeding that boy KFC

 He weighs 40 kilos and he’s only three

 He looks like a clean-shaven Pavarotti

Switching to Diet Coke is not the way back

Boombalata kiddie-stuffer

 Your kid’s a fat, have you noticed that?

And you oughta be ashamed

 For you only have yourself to blame.

 Your 5 year old princess in her size 14 tutu

Only eats pizza like that because you do

 Will be dead of a heart attack

 Before your grandchildren are ten

 Perhaps you’ll consider

 A cut-back on extra fries then

Boombalata kiddie-stuffer

Have you noticed that your kids are fat?

What are you going to do about that?

What are you going to do?

So you telling me that your family

Has a history of obesity

 You got a polycystic ovary

It’s just the way that God made me

But – and in your case

 There’s a reasonably big butt

 Do you think it’s an appropriate treat

 The all-you-can-eat at Pizza Hut?

 There’s no excuse you silly goose

 For a child with a caboose

 Like a moose who’s eaten too much mousse

 It’s tantamount to child abuse

 Kick them off the fucking couch

 Unplug the Playstation

 Send them down to the park

 If they don’t wanna go, make ’em

Tell them they have to jog

 Until their jogging shorts fit’em

 If they hesitate, ask firmly

 If they still resist, hit’em

 Is this what you want for your little girl and guy?

 These chips off the pork chop, for the toffee apples of your eye?

Six packs of kit cats are not the way back

Boombalata Kiddie-Stuffer

 Your kids are fat, did ya notice that?

And you, you ought to be ashamed

For you have only got yourself to blame

 Your 6 year old miniature Jabba the Hut

 Eating half melted Mars Bars from the folds of his gut

 He'll be dead of an aneurysm

 Before his own children ism ten

 Perhaps you’ll consider

 A cut-back on Taco Bell then

 Perhaps you’ll consider

 A cut-back on Krispy Kreme doughnuts

 And Popcorn in bucket-sized boxes

 And microwave pizza or drive through McDonalds

 For weeknightly dinners in front of the TV

 And notes to the phys-ed instructor saying

 Timmy has asthma but he really just gets short of breath

 Cos he’s 35 kilos above the ideal weight

 Of 35 kilos for a nine year old boy