Capo 2nd fret

Standard (EADGBE)

 My standard of secrets are second to none

 There are nazi’s who would not believe what I've done

  my secrets are massive, I bet I've got more

 I'm a secret machine I'm a secrecy whore!

I ate your lasagna, I steal from the chemist

I've never seen star wars, I text while I'm driving

I don’t flush at parties, I dabble in arsine

I love polystyrene I voted for Howard

I leave without paying I j-walk I litter

I love mel and koshi I jerk off on twitter

I don’t wear a helmet I wear womens shoes

I slept with your grandma

 I slept with my grandmother too

 but these are mere samples, common examples of everyday

 Things that we keep locked away

and deeper within, there's a bag in the bin

 of my soul, a secret that’s too big to say

  rise up stand tall for the keeper of secrets will fall

I cry watching oprah I pose nude for playboy

I trained with the Taliban I can't drive a manual car

I slap ugly children I break wind on airplanes

  I organize cockfights I piss in the spa

I rarely use condoms I throw rocks at traffic

I spread salmonella

I told my accountant I'm semi retired

I pay cash in hand coz my visas expired

and secrets are like margarine,

they're easy to spread but harder to clean

  off your pants and once that stain is seen

  everyone knows I’ve been stickin my dick in the fridge!

 What? Nothing. Secrets!