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Here's one of the two of us

In 1954 don't laugh

 I keep all of the pictures

 Are you going to take a photograph

Here's something nice for you

A dear old thing came to a show

Last time here we did

 An interview on local radio

Make yourself at home my darling

Come on in

Hand me down that jar love

 Can I offer you a gin

We're proud to be the oldest

 Ugly sisters in variety

 There's not the glamor now you see

 What happened to society

There's another light bulb gone

They don't all answer to the switch

 I don't know how we carry on

 And her she couldn't care the bitch

But in a while the old boys

 In the band begin to play

 And in a while the houselights

 And the curtains slide away

 And something's going to happen

 To make your whole life better

 Your whole life better one day

Something's going to happen

 To make your whole life better

 Your whole life better one day

Solo

 Now the landlady's all squared away

 It's just a temporary deal

 I'm afraid tonight it's take-away

 You see there is no evening meal

Don't worry dear you shall go to the ball

 I think the fairy said

 These suitcases have seen it all

 From under someone else's bed

 You want to smile those tears away

 Now don't you cry

 You want to know what I say

 I say never say die

 'Cos something's going to happen

 To make your whole life better

 Your whole life better one day

 Something's going to happen

 To make your whole life better

 Your whole life better one day